Marriage in the Bible
Terry L. Brensinger
B.I.C. Consultation on Marriage
Kenbrook Camp
June 13, 2005
Attempting to develop a biblical concept of marriage, Victor Hamilton once commented,
referring in particular to the Old Testament, is somewhat like sitting beside local highways and
parkways, watching the flow of traffic and individual driving habits, and attempting to write a driver’s
manual based on your observations! Like the varied images that would pass though our minds while
watching an endless array of drivers—fast, slow, wreckless, careful—so, too, do we find a wide
assortment of stories, laws, and metaphors in the Bible related to marriage. Rather than discovering a
neat and tidy depiction of marriage, we are left in part with the task of describing what we see and
discerning recurring or emerging themes. That is what I hope to begin doing in this paper.
In
order to meet this objectives, I plan on briefly surveying marriage as it appears in the major canonical
sections of both the Old and New Testaments.
Marriage in Israel’s Narratives and Legal Materials
Paradigm for Marriage in Genesis 1-3
Regardless of when one dates the creation accounts in Genesis 1 and 2, they are clearly
positioned in such a way that they serve as a foundation upon which much of the Old Testament rests.
As such, the depiction of marriage in these accounts is central to our discussion, even if actual examples
of such a depiction are nearly non-existent elsewhere in the Old Testament. Several key themes
pertaining at least indirectly to marriage seem clear enough in these accounts:
1. Humanity consists of two necessary and equally important elements: male and female
2. Insofar as the total essence of humanity involves both male and female, a special relationship
exists between a man and a woman
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3. Both the male and the female are called to exercise dominion over the rest of creation
4. God blesses this relationship and places within it the call to multiply
5. A mutual and cooperative dependency exists between the man and woman (one without the other
is incomplete), and the woman’s position as “helper” (`ezer) is an exalted one (note Ex. 18:4; Ps.
33:20; 70:5)
6. The marriage relationship between the man and woman is of such significance that it reduces
other, important relationships to secondary importance (note the verbs “leave” and “cleave” with
respect to the male and his parents, and remember the commandment to “honor” your parents)
7. This covenantal relationship results in “one flesh,” a union unlike any other in creation
8. This relationship is characterized by honesty and openness
This ideal marriage relationship that we find in Genesis 1 and 2, like everything else in creation,
experiences various side-effects from the “Fall” in Genesis 3. As a result, we ought to add to our list
above the following items:
9. As a result of sin, marriage ceases to be relational and becomes instinctual: both the woman’s
desire (the term teshuqa appears also in 4:7) for her husband and the husband’s inclination to
rule over her are negative.
10. As with other “results” of sin, such consequences should be seen as in need of redemption rather
than irrevocable outcomes.
Given this paradigmatic depiction in the opening chapters of Genesis, what remain in Israel’s narratives
are a variety of actual stories depicting marriages. From these, certain observations can be made.
Pre-Arranged Marriages
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Although it is commonly assumed that marriages in ancient Israel were pre-arranged by the
parents, the existing evidence actually reveals considerable variation and fluidity. Further, no laws
require parental involvement in selecting a mate for a child, nor do any wisdom sayings specifically
celebrate parental selections. In certain instances, as when Hagar found a wife for Ishmael (Gen. 21:21)
and Abraham orchestrated the selection of Rebekah for Isaac (Gen. 25:20), and parents played the
dominant role in the process. In other instances, however, the sons played far more strategic roles. Esau
(Gen. 26:34; 28:9), Jacob (Gen. 29:18), Samson (Judges 14:1-2) and Boaz (Ruth 4), to cite a few
examples, all were heavily involved in choosing their wives. If a common factor was operating here, the
evidence is unclear. While it is true that most of the men selecting their own wives were older,
exceptions exist (Gen. 25:40). We can say, however, that marriages pre-arranged by the parents are
largely unattested once the monarchy begins. Whether this is due to an actual shift in marital customs or
to the writer’s preoccupation with royalty—at the exclusion of stories relating to commoners—in the
Deuteronomistic History is debatable, of course. I suspect, given deeply engrained customs still evident
in much of Middle Eastern culture today, that the distinction results more from the writer’s intentions
than from significant societal shifts.
Polygymy
It is immediately evident to even the casual reader of the Old Testament that, while the paradigm
is a marriage between one man and one woman, countless examples appear in which a man marries
multiple wives. No example exists in which a woman has more than one husband. In Israel’s legal
materials, allowance is made for multiple wives, although such a situation is never specifically
encouraged or celebrated (Deut. 21:15-17). In fact, both the majority of the narrative illustrations as
well as the passage from Deuteronomy 21 suggest that with polygamy often came family hardships and
tension (Gen. 26: 35; 30:1-2, 15; Judges 9; 1 Sam. 1:6; 2 Sam. 13; 1 Kgs. 1-2).
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Marrying “Foreigners”
Another common assumption pertaining to marriage in the Old Testament is that the Israelites
were consistently forbidden to marry foreigners. In the patriarchal narratives, marrying inside one’s
group is normative (Gen. 11:29; 20:12; 24:15; 28:9; 29:12). The reasons for this seem apparent enough:
keeping economic resources within the clan/tribe, preserving group identity, safeguarding religious
traditions, and acknowledging conflict between groups.
The Old Testament does include many examples, however, of marriages between Israelites and
foreigners. Most of these portray the dangers of intermarriage and therefore serve as warnings against
the practice (Exod. 34:16; Josh. 23:12; Judg. 3:5-6; 1 Kgs. 11:4). Furthermore, certain legal texts
prohibit intermarriage. It is far too simplistic, however, to say that Israel’s legal texts prohibit
intermarriage out-of-hand.
Those texts which prohibit intermarriage tend to focus on marriages with women from groups in
Palestine who were dispersed by Israel (Deut. 7:3). At the same time, other passages allow for marrying
foreigners and establish guidelines for the practice (Deut. 21:10-14; 23:7-8). What we can say is that the
Old Testament warns against the dangers of intermarriage, recognizes the possibility of it under various
circumstances, and establishes guidelines for when it occurs.
Statements concerning marrying outside of Israel, however, intensify considerably later in Ezra
9-10 and Nehemiah 13:23-27. Following the exile, the community associates the destruction of Israel
and Judah with their own sins, and one result involved a renewed emphasis on keeping the law. Ezra
sought to separate the returning Jews from virtually everything that potentially defiled them, including
marrying foreigners.
The Quality of Marriage
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Mention has already been made to the paradigmatic marriage in Genesis 1-2, a permanent
relationship between one man and one woman that surpasses in importance other existing relationships.
Mention is often made to the somewhat enigmatic passage in Deuteronomy 24 which apparently allows
for the simple dissolution of a marriage on a husband’s whim. It is important to note that the Old
Testament offers no general laws pertaining to either marriage or divorce, nor do we find endless stories
in which husbands frivolously divorce their wives. Instead, the Old Testament gives us specific casestudies that serve an illustrative function. Deuteronomy 24 is just such a case-study, focusing solely on
the issue of remarriage after divorce to a wife who has since remarried another. This passage, as much
of later rabbinical tradition thankfully recognized, does not intend primarily to make divorce quick and
easy, but instead seeks to protect a woman from being taken advantage by her previous husband (v. 4).
Rather than trivializing marriage and divorce, Israel’s legal codes reflect a concern for the
quality of marriage and—in a patriarchal society—a tendency to protect wives from being marginalized
and abused. According to Deuteronomy 24:5, for example, a newly married man may not be taken to
war or be given any related assignments for a full year following his marriage. Instead, “He shall be
free at home…to be happy with the wife whom he has married.” Additional laws prevent a master from
retaining a previously married Hebrew slave’s wife once that slave is set free ((Ex. 21:3), provide the
opportunity for a Hebrew slave to retain a wife given to him by his master during the period of service
(Ex. 21:4-6), protect female captives married by Hebrew men—they must not be treated as slaves (Deut.
21:11), require men who seduce virgins to then marry and care for those women rather than abandon
them (Ex. 22:16-17), ensure that women who lose their husbands are suitably cared for (Deut. 25:5), and
protect wives from being falsely accused by their husbands (Deut. 22:13-19). As odd as some of these
stipulations might seem to us today, they all suggest a profound commitment to the marriage
relationship.
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Marriage in Israel’s Prophetic Materials
What is striking in the prophetic literature in the Old Testament is the prolific use of marriage
imagery to describe Israel’s relationship with Yahweh. Hints of such imagery appear earlier, as in the
commandment prohibiting the making of idols (Exod. 20:5). There, God is referred to as a “jealous”
God, a term that clearly involves marital connotations. That forsaking God in favor of idols is
associated with forsaking one’s marital vows serves to reinforce both the absolute importance and
permanence of the marriage relationship.
This idea, alluded to earlier in the Old Testament, springs forth with great clarity in the prophetic
literature. Jeremiah (2:20-25; 3:1-3), Ezekiel (16), post-exilic Isaiah (61:10; 62:5) and Malachi (2:14)all
make use of the image, repeated equating spiritual waywardness and idolatry to marital unfaithfulness.
Both Ezekiel (16:8) and Malachi (2:14) also speak of marriage in covenantal language. No prophet,
however, makes greater use of marriage imagery to make his point than does Hosea. Both his marriage
to Gomer, a “woman of harlotry,” and the resulting events underscore certain themes about marriage
that were of great significance in Israel:
1. Marriage is far more than a contract of ownership, and the wife more than property (note the
wording in 2:1, which reads, “On that day…you will call me, ‘My husband,’ and no longer will
you call me, ‘My Baal.’” Here is a vivid distinction between a “husband” and a “master/lord.”
2. Marriages are worth defending and protecting, even at significant sacrifice (contra the superficial
reading of Deut. 24). In honoring our vows and “redeeming” our mate—which is precisely what
Hosea does (3:2)—a person is in fact following God’s example to Israel.
3. The devotion of the forsaken lover can have transforming affects on the other, but not necessarily
so.
Marriage in Israel’s Wisdom Materials
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In Israel’s wisdom traditions, glimpses appear of marital hardship, but the dominant theme
centers on the joy and richness of marriage. For every Proverb lamenting the horror of living with a
quarrelsome and complaining woman—Proverbs is written from a man’s point-of-view—there are
countless descriptions of blessed marriages (5:18-20; 6:29; 12:4; 18:22; 19:14; 30:19; 31:10-31). “Let
your fountain be blessed,” the sages suggest in Proverbs 5:18-19,
And rejoice in the wife of your
youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
May her breasts satisfy you at all
times;
may you be intoxicated always by her love.
Even the writer of Ecclesiastes, long known for his ability to see the dark side of any situation, sees in
marriage considerable possibilities for joy and satisfaction. “Two are better than one,” he reasons (4:9),
and he further develops the advantages of intimacy over solitude (4:10-2). “Enjoy life with the wife
whom you love,” he concludes, going so far as to see in marriage one of life’s major benefits (9:9).
Finally, mention should at least be made to the Song of Songs. The Song of Songs, importantly,
celebrates the sheer and nearly overwhelming joy of love between a man and a woman. While Genesis
1:28 links closely the marital relationship with childbearing, the Song of Songs says virtually nothing
about procreation. For the writer, marriage is far more than a means to an end, far more than a channel
for replenishing the earth. Marriage is in and of itself are source of joy and delight.
Marriage in the Gospels
Relatively few specific references to marriage appear in both the Synoptic Gospels and John.
Insofar as the gospels are theological depictions of the life and ministry of Jesus rather than codes of
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conduct, such a shortage of passages ought not be surprising at all. In reality, Jesus no doubt affirmed
the importance of marriage in Jewish society and commented on the subject only in response to
questions asked of him or when it related to other subjects under consideration. While Jesus himself
was never married (contra The Da Vinci Code!), at least several of his disciples were (Matt. 8:14; 20:20;
27:56; Mark 1:30; 15:40; Luke 4:38; 8:3).
Jesus, in keeping with the times and culture, viewed marriage patriarchally—men drove the
process (Matt. 22:30; Mark 12:25; Luke 14:20). In the few comments that he made on the subject,
however, he was always quite intentional in presenting a strong and balanced view of marriage. From
these various comments, we might glean several significant themes:
1. Jesus emphasized complete fidelity in the marriage relationship. In his remarks concerning
adultery, for example, Jesus internalizes the Old Testament commandment and even prohibits
“mental” or “emotional” adultery (“lust). According to virtually any understanding of moral
development (Piaget, Kohlberg, etc.), this constitutes a significant step up the ethical ladder
(Matt. 5:27-28).
2. Jesus stressed the permanence of marriage. In debates of his day concerning the interpretation
and application of Deuteronomy 24:1, Jesus took a decidedly conservative view. While these
verses will be discussed further in a later paper, the core of Jesus’ understanding of divorce and
remarriage is most likely preserved in Mark 10:11. The exception clause, “…except for
unchastity,” is in my estimation a later concession made on behalf of Matthew’s Hellenistic
Jewish readers (Matt. 19:9). Regardless of how we read this exception clause, it seems clear that
Jesus, particularly in contrast to many of the more “progressive” Jewish thinkers of his day (the
school of Hillel), was profoundly opposed to divorce.
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3. In spite of the considerable importance of marriage, Jesus also taught that following him took
precedence even over this relationship (Luke 14:26; 18:29). While Jesus never suggested that
following him meant that one must forsake a husband or wife—hopefully both husband and wife
will follow together!—he did emphasize that true discipleship might very well cause relational
havoc. This, as I take it, is not so much a call to relational insensitivity as it is a warning against
viewing marriage in a somewhat idolatrous way.
4. Jesus taught that marriage is an earthly rather than heavenly institution (Matt. 22:23-33; Mark
13:18-27; Luke 20:27-38).
5. Jesus emphasized the extraordinary importance and sanctity of the marriage relationship when he
drew on an Old Testament theme and used marriage imagery to describe the relationship
between Christ and his followers (Matt. 15:1-12; John 3:29). John the Revelator uses the same
imagery in his glorious depiction of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:6b-9).
Marriage in the Epistles
The Apostle Paul, who addressed a wide range of issues in his correspondence with the various
churches spring up throughout Asia Minor, defended the right of church leaders to be married (1 Cor.
9:5), served side by side with Priscilla and Aquila (Acts 18:18, 26; Rom. 16:3-4), and was perhaps—
though not likely—even married himself at one time. His personal views on the subject, however, are
most clearly spelled out in two passages; namely, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-40. In 1
Thessalonians 4, the earlier of the two texts, Paul focuses primarily on the matter of sexual immorality
and the role of marriage in alleviating sexual temptation. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul’s view of marriage
seems to include these fundamental ideas:
1. Marriage is a suitable “safeguard” against sexual immorality (vv. 2-4, 9).
2. Husbands and wives have equal rights over each other’s bodies (vv. 3-5).
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3. Neither husbands nor wives should withhold sexual intimacy as a means of manipulating their
spouse (5)
4. Paul celebrates singleness (v. 7) and believes it to provide any number of ministerial advantages
(vv. 8, 25-35, 36-38, 39).
5. In spite of his preference for singleness, Paul surprisingly refers to marriage as a “gift” from God
(v. 7).
6. Marriage is permanent and divorce should be avoided (vv. 10-16).
7. People should affirm their God-given assignment in life and not be quick to change (i.e. to move
from singleness to marriage) (vv. 17-20).
8. Marriage is an earthly relationship and therefore ends at death (vv. 39-40).
9. Follow the path that enables you to live a life of greatest devotion to God (vv. 32-35).
Finally, mention must be made of the so-called household codes that appear in some of the later
epistles. Colossians 3:18-4:1, Ephesians 5:21-6:9 and 1 Peter 3:1-7 are all written against the back-drop
of Greco-Roman culture and continue the theme according to which wives are to be submissive to their
husbands. In Colossians, however, Paul instructs husbands to love their wives and to treat them
graciously. Later, in Ephesians, similar instructions appear and are slightly expanded to include a
statement requiring mutual submission. Lastly, Peter encourages husbands to be considerate of their
wives and in fact to honor them. In each case, the writers clearly attempt, without totally disregarding
the social fabric of the day, to ensure that marriage among followers of Jesus reflects the type of
intimacy and mutual cooperation so evident in Genesis 1-2. At the same time, these same writers
increasingly attempt to redeem the horrific consequences that sin brought on the marriage relationship in
Genesis 3.
Conclusion
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The Bible, once again, does not provide us with a conveniently arranged examination of
marriage and its various sub-topics. What it does give us is a vast collection of stories, laws and sayings
that are intended to help us—with God’s help—to think carefully and prayerfully about the subject.
These varied accounts begin with a beautiful depiction of an ideal marriage in Genesis 1-2, briefly
describe the shattering of that picture in Genesis 3, and then seek to redeem that depiction in the lives of
Israelites and Christ’s disciples alike. That the Old Testament writers used marriage imagery to describe
Yahweh’s relationship to Israel is telling, to say the least. That New Testament writers use precisely this
same metaphor to clarify Christ’s relationship to his church is nothing short of inspiring. Marriage, the
Bible repeatedly emphasizes, matters. It is among God’s greatest gifts.
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