What Should Have Happened…
• The Cycle (over and over and over again)
• “All those Yeses”
• Giving Voice
• Felt Safety
• Needs Met
• Preciousness!
What Our Kids Got….
• Neglect
• Abuse
• Stressful Pregnancy
• Difficult Birth
• Early Hospitalization
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Note: obvious and not so obvious
behavioral fight, flight or freeze
Earned Secure Attachment
Sensory Integration
Felt Safety
Addresses readiness
Primes child for connection
Proactive principles
Physical Needs
› Physical Activity
› Nuerotransmitters
› Sensory Input
Physiological Needs
› Hydration
› Nutrition
› Deep Breathing
Ecological Needs
› Predictability
› Transitions
› Rituals/Artifacts
The Goal: CONNECTION
Disarm your child’s fear response
Establish clear and sensitive parental authority
Provide a sensory-rich environment
Teach appropriate social skills
Support healthy brain chemistry
Help your child connect with his or her own
feelings
Forge a strong emotional bond between you
and your child
Valuing Eye Contact
Authoritative Voice
(tone, volume,
cadence)
Healthy Touch
Behavioral Matching
Playful Interaction
Mindfulness
› Attunement/Aware
ness
› Calm Presence
› Creative Problem
Solving
› Flexible Responding
Life Value Terms
Behavioral Scripts
› Using Words
› Choices
› With Respect
› Compromise
› Accepting NO
› Redos
› Listen and Obey (1st
time)
Prime
the Pump for Success
Shared
Time-In
IDEAL
›
›
›
›
›
Power: Wardens vs. Coaches
vs. Time-Out
Approach
Immediate (initiated within 3
seconds)
Direct (eye contact, proximity)
Efficient (least amount of force
necessary)
Action-based (physically led
through a “do-over”)
Leveled at behavior (NOT at the
child)
Total
Voice Control
Natural
& Logical Consequences
Expectations
Levels
of Response
›
Level 1 – mild challenge = use
playful engagement
›
Level 2 – moderate challenge =
firmly provide choices
(structured engagement)
›
Level 3 – strong challenge =
calming engagement/time-in
›
Level 4 – physical aggression =
protective engagement, ending
with positive reconnection
Alert
children to upcoming
activities; make their day as
predictable as possible
Give
appropriate choices for
shared control
Speak
Be
simply
an effective leader
Prevent
Don’t
Help
sensory overload
corner the child
identify safe people
Handle
Help
food issues gently
the child meet new
challenges
Be
approachable
Introduce
the child to new
environments
Don’t
catastrophize
Honor
emotions
Respect
your child’s story