Interpersonal Conflict
Management
Conflict Management Center
Program on the Advancement of Research on Conflict and
Collaboration (PARCC)
Agenda
 Introduction
 Conflict Exercise: Shuffle the Deck
 Definition of Conflict
 Conflict Escalation and De-Escalation
 Reflective Listening Exercises
 Position vs. Interests
 Wrap up
Ground Rules
 Confidentiality
 Suspend judgment
 All responsible for learning
 Real life issues
 Safe to make mistakes
 Cell phones silent
Shuffle the Deck
 Write a brief interpersonal conflict situation you are
willing to share on an index card. Cards are then
gathered, shuffled, and re-distributed within the group.
 Make sure not to write your names on cards
 Each person in the group introduces themselves then
reads aloud from the card they is dealt and the group
talk about the possible outcomes of the conflict.
Interpersonal Conflict...
 … is an expressed struggle,
 between two or more parties,
 that are interdependent,
 involving strong emotion,
 and a perceived blockage to needs and/or values.
(N. Katz)
Escalation Role Play
 Be a ‘fly on the wall’ for the conflict that’s about to be
portrayed.
 Take note of how the conflict escalates- both verbally
and nonverbally- what happens?
Skills for De-escalating conflict
 Reflective Listening*
 Based on work of Carl Rogers (1951) and Thomas
Gordon (1970) who coined term ‘active listening’
*Source: Rautalinko and Lisper, 2005
Reflective Listening:
 A special type of listening that involves paying
respectful attention to the content and feelings of
another’s communication, hearing and understanding,
and then letting the other know that he/she is being
heard and understood
 It is a process of “checking in” to ensure understanding
Source: Neil Katz
De-escalating role play
 Let’s revisit our initial escalating conflict. . . what’s
different this time?
Reflective Listening
requires two steps:
1) Hear and understand what the other is saying through
his/her words and body language.
2) Reflect (express) the thoughts and feelings heard through
your own words, tone of voice, posture, and gestures so that
the other knows that he/she is heard and understood.
Example: You’re feeling ________ about/when/because
_______
Reflective Listening Exercises
 Roommate problems
 Pass the Pen
The Challenge of
Identifying Interests
Positions
Interests
“Why?”
Positions versus Interests
 Position
- What you decided you want in a particular situation
- A specific solution
 Interests (often rooted in human needs)
- What caused you to decide
- The specific needs in a situation which caused you to
take a particular position or come to a particular
position.
Interest Inquiry
 to identify interests
- What will having that (the position) do for you ?
- How will things change if you get your position?
 to brainstorm options
- What are the possible options that will meet the interests?
 to evaluate options
- What is a good way of doing that?
- Will that option identify all of the needs/interests?
Thank you for your
participation and attention!