Blow-up-sudden eruption
 Civil-calm & rational
 Déjà vu-predictable/repeated pattern
 Indirect-not explicitly discussed
 Mock
 Sarcastic sniping-hostile sarcasm
 Silent treatment-two or more encounters

Power:
 Always present-symmetrical &
complementary
 Can be used ethically & unethically
 Is granted
 Influences most conflicts
Resource Currency: material-$, property,
food
 Expertise Currency: special
skills/knowledge
 Social Network Currency: links with
family, friends, acquaintances
 Personal Currency: physical beauty,
intelligence, charm, Comm skills, funny
 Intimacy Currency: unique bond

Avoiding
 Keep issues to myself
 Usually avoid open
discussion of my
differences w/ others
 Try to stay away from
topics of disagree.
 Keep disagreements
to myself to avoid
hard feelings
 Try to avoid
unpleasant exchanges
Accommodating
 Generally try to satisfy
others’ needs
 Usually accommodate
others’ wishes
 Give in to others’
desires
 Often go w/ others’
suggestions
 Try to satisfy others’
expectations
Competing
 Use my influence to get my
ideas accepted
 Use my authority to make
decisions go in my favor
 Pursue my side of an issue
 Sometimes use my power
to win
 Use my expertise to make
sure decisions go my way
Collaborating
 Investigate issues to find
solutions acceptable to
both
 Integrate my ideas w/
those of others to come up
w/ decision jointly
 Work w/others to find
solutions that satisfy both
our expectations
 Exchange info w/ others so
we can solve problems
together
 Bring all our concerns out in
the open so issues can be
resolved
Complementary conflict style-different,
mutually reinforcing behavior
 Symmetrical conflict style-both people
use the same tactics.
 Parallel conflict style-shifts
complementary & symmetrical patterns
from one issue to another

Assertiveness
Assertiveness
Compete
Collaborate
Nonassertive
Compromise
Avoid
Accommodate
Cooperative
Uncooperative
Cooperativeness
Middle
 Negative climate cont. to spiral
 Kitchen-sinking
 Interruptions
 Derailing-rerouting
 Cross-complaining & cutting other off
Later
 Self-preoccupation
 Counterproposals-competing
 Self-summarizing
 Egocentric communication
 Metacommunication
 Promotes dogmatism, rigid thinking, etc
Egocentrism
Poor listening
Disconfirmation
Defensiveness
Dogmatism
Hostile mind reading
Kitchen-sinking
Self-summarizing…..
Early
 Climate sets the tone-recognizing &
acknowledging
 Sensitivity
 Use of “I” language
 Openness
 Use of questioning
Middle
 Agenda building-focusing
 Bracketing for side issues
 Ongoing respect demonstrated
 Perception checking
 Clarifying
 Acknowledge ideas, feelings, concerns
Later
 Collaborative resolution
 Contracting-negotiating & acceptance
Separation
 Domination
 Compromise
 Integrative agreements
 Structural improvements


Collaboration
You & the other
 Are not willing to change
 Have goals that are irreconcilable &
strongly held
 Uncooperative
 Chronically defensive
 Violent
Let go of anger, blame, judgments
 Given with no strings
 Not always appropriate
 May be a measurement of how a
relationship progresses
