Lesson 1
Reading People: How to Win
without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to
Influencing Your Audience
Lesson 1. Reading People: How to Win without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to Influencing Your Audience
Hello and welcome to the course, Reading People: How to Win without a Fight. My name is Mario
Schmidt. I am a moderator and speaker at the Eilert-Akademie, where I study the science of emotions.
I am a qualified coach specializing in body language
and empathy. But, in addition to that, I’m also passionate about «winning people over.» I’m often invited to
speak as an expert and travel all over the world doing
so. And I’m happy to be here with you today.
stage—your facial expression. That’s what you are going
to see in the mirror. After all, you want to know who
you’re going to be spending the night with. And you
have the chance to start the day on the right track. Give
yourself a smile. Take an active and positive approach.
Send a signal to your brain that says, «Things are looking great. I have a lot of plans for today, but I’m not
going to stress out. I’ve planned my time, and I am
going to get everything done.» Thanks to mirror neurons, your brain will perceive this smile as genuine and
The purpose of this course is to teach you how to win true. And it will be as if your brain is sending this posover the minds and hearts of people. I will also share itive impulse straight back to you. But not only that.
some tips and tricks on how to be more perceptive of Smiling affects our thought process. This effect is called
the people around you and of yourself, how to speak «facial feedback.»
confidently and impact your audience to the highest
degree, and how to use these skills to become more Your face muscles are directly connected to your brain,
happy and successful.
and your smile (or a burst of laughter if you’re capable of that in the morning, perhaps if you’ve recalled
a funny story) sends a signal to your brain that says, «I
THE FOUR ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS OF A
am doing great!» Your brain thanks you for that with a
SUCCESSFUL MORNING
release of dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter
that plays an incredibly important and essential role
First, let me ask you a question. How did you start in the central nervous system. It has a purely positive
your day? Perhaps, with a cup of coffee? Or maybe you effect on people, which may even lead to a feeling of
missed the alarm and had to jump out of your bed in a lightness throughout the body.
hurry? Or did you keep hitting the snooze button for a
few more minutes under your warm duvet? Of course, That’s how you lay the foundation for the fourth stage:
this is a pretty general question, so there are going to your attitude. With the right mindset, you can tackle
be a number of different answers. Now let’s move on to any task. You can’t take on a difficult problem when
something more specific. What was the first thing you you’re all hunched over. Square your shoulders, stand
did before getting out of bed? That’s right. You woke up straight, and imagine that your body is stretching
up. That’s true for 100% of people. We wake up from upward to the sky. Assuming the right posture will make
a calm and deep (hopefully!) sleep. What’s next? Per- you feel invincible and help you tackle any obstacles
sonally, I use this time to get to know myself better. that you might face throughout the day. A positive attiSince I’m always on the go, I often ask myself, Where tude will make you feel like jumping for joy, defying
am I exactly?. And as soon as I get a sense of where I am gravity. It’s never a good idea to start your day with
and realize that my alarm clock has released me from bad feelings, anger, or low spirits.
the arms of Morpheus, it’s time for the next stage—getting out of bed. When I get up, I try to stand on my two
feet at the same time. This sends a signal to my sub- A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION WILL BE YOUR
conscious that I have both feet on the ground, and that SUPER POWER
nothing and no one can knock me down. In other words,
nothing can «throw me off balance.» Also, that way, no Why is this morning ritual so crucial when you have,
one can accuse me of «getting up with the wrong leg.» let’s say, an important presentation to give? Because
In Germany, we use this expression to describe some- the first impression is what can make or break it. We
one who is in a bad mood and gets easily annoyed by make judgements within the first few hundreds of mileverything around them, like the English expression liseconds. The memorial for American humorist Will
«to get up on the wrong side of the bed.» This kind of Rogers says, «You never get a second chance to make
person radiates negative energy, causing others to feel a first impression.» If you make a bad first impression,
bad as well.
things are going to be much more difficult for you. It’s
called the first impression error. If you cannot presNo one will ever say that I «got up with the wrong leg.» ent yourself successfully, people are not going to trust
Now, it’s time for the third and equally important you, meaning they might not include you on important
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Lesson 1. Reading People: How to Win without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to Influencing Your Audience
tasks. To avoid that, you need to be in the right mindset. Don’t miss your opportunity. Remember the rule of
the «four stages»: waking up, getting out of bed, facial
expression, and attitude.
radiate joy always appear more attractive. Have you
ever been able to deny a child who asks for something with a smile from ear to ear? Probably not. Smiling makes us happy because it means that someone
is glad to see us. It’s a little boost of positivity. HowStudies have shown that when it comes to first impres- ever, you need to consider exactly which type of smile
sions, nonverbal communication is much more impor- is going to be the most effective. There are four types
tant than verbal. Nonverbal processes involve body lan- of smiles in the world of emotions.
guage and personal style, rather than speaking.
Therefore, nonverbal communication concerns your
appearance, body language, gestures, and countenance. Think of your face as a stage for self-presentation, where you display a whole spectrum of emotions.
We perceive some people as being incredibly charismatic from the very start. Why does that happen? «Charisma» is a hard word to define. People tend to see it as
a natural ability, like a gift from above. Broadly speaking, however, charisma is made up of a number of
specific qualities:
1
▶▶ Self-love, satisfaction
▶▶ The ability to express one’s feelings
▶▶ The ability to show empathy and compassion
▶▶ Faultless and expressive speech
▶▶ Confident presentation
2
▶▶ A sense of purpose
When you present yourself to an audience for the first
time, try to keep all of these points in mind. That way,
you will be able to influence your colleagues and make
them remember you. When I say «audience,» I don’t
mean just giving a report on stage in front of a large
group of listeners. Life has plenty of different «stages»
on which you must perform, or where you may want
to perform after completing this course. And you need
to present yourself effectively every time. It doesn’t
matter if it’s a work-related report for top managers or
mothers and fathers at a parent-teacher conference.
The methods that I am going to cover can be applied
to any situation.
THE POWER OF A SMILE: FORMS AND
FEATURES
3
4
Smile of dominance. We can usually observe this
kind of smile among people who think very highly
of themselves or those who would like to come
across as superior. Maybe even with the intention
of overpowering others. For this smile, the head is
slightly tilted back. The person behaves arrogantly
and contemptuously, trying to make others feel
inferior. «Yes, Mr. Muller. Yet again, you’ve failed
to sign a contract today.» When this is said with a
sneer, it just makes things a million times worse.
This kind of «smile» is not going to help you. Quite
the opposite: it can be damaging. You put yourself at risk of losing a good employee, a colleague,
or a friend. That’s because the dominating smile
triggers an increase in the stress hormone, cortisol, which likes to linger in our bodies and can be
hard to get rid. So this kind of smile is certainly not
one to add to your repertoire.
The lying smile. This one is normally used when
people are trying to hide their true emotions. They
smile no matter what, trying to appear as though
everything in their life is amazing. They do not
show their true feelings: fear, sadness, anger, or
disgust. You could say that these emotions are
being «censored.»
Smile of affiliation. You would use this kind of
smile to let the other person know that you appreciate them, are happy to know them, or that you
are thrilled to finally meet them after a long period
of correspondence over the phone or email.
Smile of praise. This smile expresses genuine happiness, perhaps about achieving a goal, receiving
an unexpected guest, or witnessing a sports victory in the final minutes of a game. This smile is easily recognizable by the «crow’s feet» that form in
the corners of the eyes. We’ll discuss this later on.
The following lectures will focus on different approaches The American biologist and psychologist James V.
to these and other qualities. Your smile is your most McConnell once said, «People who smile tend to manimportant and most effective tool! Smile! People who age, teach, and sell more effectively and to raise happier
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Lesson 1. Reading People: How to Win without a Fight.
A Comprehensive Guide to Influencing Your Audience
children as well. There’s far more information in a smile
than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much
more effective teaching device than punishment.»
▶▶ It’s short but leaves a memory that can last for a
lifetime.
▶▶ No one is rich enough to refuse it, and even the
most poor can afford it.
Smiling works its magic even when you can’t see it.
That’s why radio hosts are always smiling on air. You
can hear it in their voices. Try listening to your favorite ▶▶ It brings happiness into homes, fruitful cooperation
into business and is the main symbol of friendship.
morning show hosts. You can hear them smiling as they
talk. They share their positivity with the audience, and
the audience is too captivated to switch to a different ▶▶ It gives peace and rest to those who are tired, hope
to those in despair, and joy to those in grief. It is also
radio station. Who would want to listen to a person in
the best weapon against anger.
a bad mood? I worked as a radio host for many years
and can personally guarantee that a smile affects the One cannot buy it, ask for it, or steal it, because it is
mood of the hosts as well. Can you imagine anyone only valuable when willingly given.
radiating with joy when they have to wake up at 5 a.m.
every day? But when you put a smile on, you send a No one needs a smile more than the person who has no
signal to your brain that says, «Hi brain, I’m in a great more smiles left to give. If the staff is too busy during
mood today!» And that’s when you start laughing and the last moments of holiday rush to give you a smile,
making jokes, and the communication with your col- please give us a smile first!
leagues and the audience becomes truly enjoyable. And
to keep the morning hosts in a truly good mood, the Besides the smile, you need to make a good visual
best thing to do is let them go home and have a good impression. Social psychology has determined the
sleep after 4–5 hours.
existence of the «Halo effect» and the «Horn effect.»
The Halo effect occurs when you give a good presentaSo if you remember to smile during your first presenta- tion. People tend to assume that you have other good
tion and every other presentation after that, you will be qualities as well. On the other hand, a poor presentawell on your way to winning other people over. When tion will trigger the horn effect, and people will assume
you show that you are happy to meet someone, that that you have other negative qualities.
person will be glad to meet you as well. Whether you’re
speaking to one person or to a full audience of people, As someone who frequently moderates discussions
winning them over is a real success. And, most impor- and presents reports, I always need to be careful
tantly, they will all want to do something good for you about my choice of clothes. What kind of effect am
in return.
I trying to achieve at this specific event? What is my
goal? I try and answer these questions before every
public speech I give. The organizers also have their
NEW YORKER: «THE VALUE OF A SMILE»
expectations. For instance, a business casual dress
code is hardly the right fit for an opera premiere.
Before we move on to looks and style, I would like to First of all, my outfit must be in line with the nature
quote the shop, the New Yorker, that drew attention of the event. It must «radiate light» and finally accento their staff’s heavy workload during the busy period tuate and emphasize my contributions during the
leading up to the Christmas holidays.
discussion or report.
A smile for Christmas
▶▶ It costs you nothing, yet means a lot.
▶▶ It makes the recipient richer, without making the Find out more in our next lesson of Reading People:
How to Win without a Fight. Yours, Mario Schmidt.
giver poorer.
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