8.3 Document for Analysis:
Direct Request
—
Patient Privacy Breach at Medical Office
Weaknesses
a.
Fails to use a meaningful subject line and includes a dated salutation.
b.
Opens with an explanation instead of a direct request.
c.
Presents information haphazardly; the document looks like an unrevised first draft.
d.
Should have set the questions in a bulleted list and organized them logically.
e.
Uses wordy expressions, such as
I am writing this message to ask . . .
and
to make notificat
ion
instead
of
to notify.
f.
Does not close with an end date and telephone number.
Revision
To:
w.e.vance@securityspecialists.com
From:
dr.jeremy.chen@valleyinternists.com
Subject:
How to Protect Patient Data in Small Medical Practice
Dear Mr. Vance:
Please help me better understand how to protect patients' medical information. As a physician in a
small
medical practice, I am concerned about patient data breaches.
Your website is promising but a bit overwhelming. I have a few specific questions to a
sk about your
services. My practice may already have experienced a security breach, and I'm seeking answers to
the
following questions:

Are you experienced in working with small medical firms?

If a breach has occurred, how do you investigate the incident
?

Do you provide guidance in notifying affected patients, and are you discreet about such
notifications?

If you discover that laws have been broken, are you obligated to report them to law enforcement
agencies?
As you can see, I have many sensitive questi
ons. I would like to talk confidentially with someone in your
firm within the next two days. Please call me at (340) 589
3440 to arrange a time that is convenient for
both of us. I am most likely to be available after surgery between 4 and 6 p.m. weekdays.
Jeremy Chen, M.D.
[Full contact information
.4 Document for Analysis:
Direct Response
—
Sending Answers to Data Breach Questions
Weaknesses
a.
Begins weakly with an obvious and unnecessary statement instead of expressing appreciation for
the
inquiry a
nd conveying confidence that Security Specialists can help solve the writer's problems.
b.
Fails to organize answers to questions in a logical order.
c.
Does not see the opportunity to use down
editing (copying the recipient’s questions and inserting
answers in
a different color).
d.
Creates a negative tone by mentioning that the government may be warned of a security infraction
instead of putting this bad news in a subordinate clause followed by the good news (
Although we are
obligated to report wrongdoing, this is
rarely necessary
)
.
e.
Does not express ideas with parallel construction (
how to properly handle, store, and the processing
of
)
.
f.
Fails to close with an action statement about when the writer will call.
Revision
To:
dr.jeremy.chen@valleyinternists.com
From
:
w.e.vance@securityspecialists.com
Subject:
Answering Your Questions and Scheduling a Call on March 19
Dear Dr. Chen:
We appreciate your interest in Security Specialists. We are confident that we can offer you expert
guidance in the areas of
cyber security, data breach response, and incident analysis solutions.
You are smart to seek advice in protecting patient data. Although you may have limited resources,
even
the smallest firm will benefit from basic security awareness training in the pro
per handling, storing, and
processing of patient health information.
Let me respond to your specific questions. See my answers in italics:

Are you experienced in working with small medical firms?
Yes, we have worked with many small medical firms and
have been able to address their specific
needs.

If a breach has occurred, how do you investigate the incident?
We are experienced at investigating incidents, analyzing clues, and quickly and defensively
uncovering critical information.

Do you provide gu
idance in notifying affected patients, and are you discreet about such notifications?
We deliver discreet, prompt, and customized breach notifications.

If you discover that laws have been broken, are you obligated to report them to law enforcement
agenci
es?
Although we are obligated to report wrongdoing, this is rarely necessary.
May I call you on March 19 at 4:30 p.m.? At that time I can provide more extensive answers to your
questions. Please rest assured that Security Specialists can help you investi
gate and control any data
breach incidents.
Warren E. Vance
[Full contact information]
8.5
Document for Analysis
: Instruction E
Mail
Weaknesses
a.
Suffers from a vague and imprecise subject line.
b.
Includes a long lead in (
This is to inform you that
)
and wordy opening paragraph.
c.
Uses a numbered list suggesting a sequence of steps instead of the preferred bulleted list.
d.
Fails to begin each line of instruction with a verb.
e.
Could have improved readability with bold summary headings for each item.
f.
Includes
needless repetition (
vacant and not monitored; that will educate and train
).
g.
Suffers from wordiness throughout.
Revision
To: Staff Members
From:
G. B. Goldman <gbgoldman@firstfederal.com>
Subject: New Procedures to Avoid Loss of Data Through Hacking
Staff Members:
Like other banks, we at First Federal fear that our employees will unwittingly expose valuable
information
to hackers. Cybersecurity experts have advised that we can reduce some threats by following these
procedures:

Avoid out
of
office
messages.
Please do not leave voice mail or e
mail messages explaining when
you will be away. Such messages alert hackers that your computer is not being monitored.

Do not take photos of documents on phones.
Smartphones can be lost or stolen, and when
im
portant documents appear on these phones, the data can be compromised.

Do not use thumb drives.
Although handy, small memory devices are easily lost. Do not store
company information on these drives.

Do not use work e
mail addresses for social media.
Sharing details about your job can help
hackers determine an organization’s best target.

Never click phishing links.
Be suspicious of all requests for password information and of links to
click. Even messages that seem to be from high
level officials or
the human resources department
within the company can be sophisticated, realistic fakes. For example, don’t click a link to receive a
package or to download a form from within the company.
Within the next two months, we will begin implementing a program that includes fake phishing
messages
to train employees about what to avoid. You will learn more about this program from your managers
in
training workshops beginning September 1.
G. B. Gol
dman, CEO
[Full contact information]
8.6 Document for Analysis:
Direct Claim
—
Very Unhappy Customer
Weaknesses
a.
Fails to address the receiver appropriately and misspells Joseph Morgan’s name.
b.
Opens with an angry statement instead of summarizing a desire
d action.
c.
Uses an argumentative, belligerent, and unprofessional tone.
d.
Includes wordy, outdated, and redundant expressions (
in view of the fact that, inasmuch as, true
facts
).
e.
Closes with a cliché instead of ending pleasantly and asking for action by a
specific date.
Revision
Current date
Mr. Joseph A. Morgan
Regional General Manager
ProCar Rentals
304 South Powell Road
Mesa, AZ 85275
Dear Mr. Morgan:
We are asking you to help us retrieve $60 from your Phoenix
Mesa Gateway Airport location. This
amount covers taxes and surcharges that were omitted from a recent refund of $180 to our
corporate
account. We have had difficulty reaching the local manager, apparently the only person who can
authorize such transactions.
On July 7 a colleague and I rece
ived a free navigation device with our car rental because we were forced
to wait for an hour before being assigned a car. Unfortunately, the GPS was defective, causing us
further
delay until a replacement was located.
Much to our surprise, the rental c
ar bill later showed the full charge of $180, plus tax. Over the next three
weeks, we had trouble contacting the manager to issue the refund. We spoke to various employees
in
Mesa and in your corporate office, but to no avail. Finally, after threatening to
keep calling until he spoke
to me, I coaxed the Phoenix manager to the phone. He promised to credit the cost of the navigation
device to our account.
When we checked our account statement, we noticed that the manager had forgotten to add $60 in
taxes
and
surcharges that had also been assessed for the GPS. We are asking that you use your influence to
issue the credit to our account, given our problematic communication with your Phoenix
Mesa Gateway
branch.
Enclosed are copies of the signed rental agreement listing the complimentary GPS and the bill that
includes the charges of $180 plus $60 in taxes for the device. Our corporate account number is 3053
359
797. In addition, a copy of an account statement show
s the insufficient credit of $180.
We are a new business customer and, despite this experience, would like to use your agency for
future
car rentals because of your competitive rates.
Sincerely,
8.8
Direct Request
: Seeking a Social Media
Specialist
To:
Doug Goodwin <doug.goodwin@mediaresources.com>
From:
[Your name]
Subject:
Searching for Advice and Information About Social Media Experts
Dear Mr. Goodwin:
You have been recommended by HomeCenter CEO John Brauburger as a trusted source
of information.
I’m hoping you can help me learn more about social media experts, as my company is considering
hiring
one.
Our company wonders whether it would benefit from hiring a social media specialist who could keep
abreast of online social venues a
nd promote our company’s brand as well as perform other beneficial
tasks. Answers to the following questions will assist me in deciding whether to suggest pursuing this
issue:

How could a social media specialist benefit HomeCenter?

What salary range is
appropriate for such a specialist?

What qualifications would we seek in such a specialist?

In what corporate areas do social media specialists usually work: corporate communications,
marketing, customer support, or some other area?

How could we evaluate th
at person’s success on the job, once hired?
I’m sure many other questions could be asked, but I’d like to start with these. A written response
before
March 15 would enable me to report to our CEO on a topic that concerns him as well as our entire
company.
Sincerely,
Your name
[Your contact information]
8.9
Direct Request
: Planning a Winter Retreat in Jackson Hole, Wyoming
To:
Jackie Sullivan <jsullivan@fourseasonsresort.com
From:
[Your Name]
Subject:
Requesting Information About Potential Conf
erence and Facilities for 85 Guests
Dear Ms. Sullivan:
Can Four Seasons Resort provide 50 rooms accommodating about 85 guests for either December
10
14,
2018, or January 14
18, 2019?
My company will be hosting a four
day combination sales
conference/vacation/retreat for 55 of our
marketing and media professionals and their families. Please answer the following questions to help
us
choose a suitable resort:

What are the room rates and room sizes? Is there any discount for groups or for corp
orate customers?

Do you have two conference rooms available that would hold 25 people? We would need these
rooms
for one and a half days. What is the size and cost of these rooms?

Do the conference rooms have audiovisual and computer facilities as well as
Internet access?

Do you have facilities in which we can host a banquet for 85 people one evening?

What leisure activities are available for the families of our staff on
site and in Jackson Hole?

What skiing, snowboarding, and other winter sports options a
re available to groups?

Can you arrange tours to any of the nearby national parks?

Do you operate a shuttle from and to the airport?
Your answers to these questions before August 31 will help me make a complete presentation to our
CEO, who is eager to sel
ect a spectacular resort for this conference and retreat.
Sincerely,
8.10
Direct Response
: Chesapeake Sail & Canvas Receives a Poor Customer Rating on Yelp
Barry’s options are many, but not all are equally wise. He could respond on Yelp, which gives b
usinesses
the opportunity to address poor reviews. He could write Angela an e
mail or call her. What really
happened was that Barry decided to call the customer. He left messages on both her mobile phone
and
her home phone. In both messages Barry apologize
d for not getting back to Angela, explained how busy
he was, and reported that his administrative assistant had been sick. He offered to expedite the work
Angela wanted to have done. Angela was pleased about the message and decided to change her
Yelp
revie
w. She wrote an update explaining her change of heart. Calling the customer was very effective in
this case because it showed a personal touch. Writing a Yelp response would most likely not have
been
as effective. If students decide that Barry should call
the customer, they could write a potential script for
As you requested, I have rescheduled three candidates for the position
of environmental
architect/designer. Here is a summary of the schedule with brief information about their
backgrounds:
Day, Time
Candidate
Background
March 28
, 10 a.m.
Jerry Rodriguez
Owner, Green Building Consulting. 10 years’ experience
with energy efficiency, sustainable materials, domes, and
earth
friendly design
March 28, 2 p.m.
Christine Lindt
M.A. degree, Boise State University. 5 years’ experience
with sustainable building materials as architect planner
fo
r Boise Builders
March 29, 11 a.m.
Scott Hogarth
B.A., University of Southern Caliifornia. 2 years’ experience
with SolarPlus, Inc., specializing in passive solar energy
Do you want me to send this summary to Mr. Barker so that he can plan to attend? Please let me
know
by March 16 so that he can plan his schedule.
8.13
Instruction Message
: How to Copy Pictures and Text from PDF Documents
Date:
Current
To:
All
Marketing Employees
From:
Jenny Zhang
Subject:
How to Copy Images and Text From PDF Documents
After requests from several of you, I’m sending instructions detailing how to copy images and text
passages from PDF documents. Copying content from portable
document format (PDF) files is easy and
convenient for those of us working on our yearly catalog.
The process works as follows in the open PDF document:
1.
Select the
Edit
pull
down menu.
2.
Click
Take a Snapshot
to activate the copying tool. (It is identi
fied by a camera icon.)
3.
Now you are ready to select the portion of the PDF document you wish to copy; your cursor will
take the shape of a square cross.
4.
Click and hold down your left mouse button near the spot where you wish to copy an image or
text passag
e; simultaneously drag the mouse over the page. You will see a selected area that
you can expand or collapse as long as you don’t release the left mouse button.
5.
As soon as you let go of the left mouse button, the snapshot will be taken for you. The note
Th
e
selected area has been to copied
will appear on the screen. Click
OK.
6.
Now open a blank Word document or an existing one and paste the selection into the file by right
clicking the mouse and choosing
Paste
or
Paste Options.
7.
You will see the image or
passage you have selected and can further manipulate it by making it
smaller or larger, as far as the image resolution will allow.
Of course, you can paste the images and text into Word, PowerPoint, and Excel. If you wish to copy
an
entire page, simply go
to your PDF document and the page you wish to capture and left
click once. The
same message will appear that your image was copied to the clipboard.
This is a useful feature. The whole procedure will make your work much easier when you need
image
files
from previous catalog editions (no more photocopying!) or when you need to transfer a figure from
one catalog to another. Let me know if you need help with these instructions.
8.14 Instruction E
Mail Inviting Down
Editing Needs Revision
To:
New Team M
embers
From:
Your name
Subject:
Instructions for Moving to Your New Location
The office move to your new location will take place on either November 9 or November 16. The
movers
will arrive between 4 p.m. and midnight. Your responses to the following qu
estions and completion of the
tasks involved will help ensure that your things arrive safely and are where you want them.
Please answer
the following questions:

Because move
requests for your personal items will be arranged on 11/9 or 11/16 (Fridays),
which of those days is better for you?

Do you have an ergonomic desk or chair (or other large furniture) that you want moved to your
new office location? If so, please list those items.

Because boxes, labels, tape, and a move map will arrive four or fi
ve business days before the
move, will this time frame work for you?
Please let me know if these supplies do not arrive on
schedule.

What office equipment will you be bringing from your current team?
Company policy allows you
to take a
workstation/laptop from your current team.
However, some groups allow the
transferring employees to take more, so check with your admin regarding this policy.
Your new
office will be set up with a workstation, monitor, and peripherals.
Please
complete
the following tasks:

Use foam pads to box up fragile and
valuable
items:
IT plaques, glass, or anniversary glass
sculptures.
Glass replacements are expensive, and the cost center is responsible for
replacement. As an option, you may personally move glas
s sculptures or valuables.

Pack the contents of all gray filing cabinets
, as movers do not move them.

Indicate on
the move map the number and
delivery location
of whiteboards, corkboards, and
rolling cabinets.

Add a name label to
your belongings
, such
as
desk phones, docking stations, peripherals,
monitors, tables, ergo desks, ergo chairs,
etc.

Remove
or cross out old move labels if using recycled boxes.
Please e
mail me your responses to the preceding questions by Friday, October 26, so we’ll have two
weeks’ notice before the move dates. We look forward to having you on the team and greeting you
in
your new office!
Regards,
8.15 Direct Claim:
New Iron Gate Needs Work
Current date
Mr. Van Phan Luong
Castle Iron Works
2255 NW Yeon Avenue
Portland, OR 97210
Dear Mr. Luong:
Subject: Gate Installed on August 20 at 921 NW 23rd Avenue, Portland, OR 97210
We would like your help with a gate
that was installed last August at one of our commercial properties at
921 NW 23rd Avenue, Portland, OR 97210. The gate was fine at first; it opened, closed, and locked
without a hitch. Now, however, the gate opens, closes, and locks only after major effort
and only if
operated by someone with real muscle.
In short, something may have settled, and now the two doors don’t match very well. The store owner
leasing the property is not so strong that she could struggle with the gate every time she wants to
open
and close it. Please send someone to fix the gate so that it opens smoothly again.
Also, the white paint is now bleeding rust in some spots, after less than six months. We would
welcome
spot treatment (repainting).
The proposal that led to the installati
on of a white metal gate on our property is enclosed to help you
recall the job. Our phone numbers are listed above and on the enclosed proposal that you sent us
last
year. Please respond by March 30, as our business tenant needs the gate to operate normal
ly as soon as
possible.
Sincerely,
Your Name
Property Manager
Ext. 8583
Enclosure: Copy of your proposal
8.16 Direct Claim: The Real Thing
Current date
Ms. Alicia Stevenson
Customer Service Department
Avery Dennison Office Products
Diamond Bar, CA
91765
Dear Ms. Stevenson:
Please send me a new box of laser labels or refund three quarters of the purchase price for a box
that will
not work in my printer.
On March 3 I purchased a box with 100 sheets of Avery Laser Labels (No. 5166). The cost was $3
6.99
plus tax. I used 25 sheets immediately, and they worked well in my laser printer. Then I put the box
away
and didn’t need it again until June 14. At that time the labels would not feed through my printer. In
fact,
some of the labels lifted off their s
heets and jammed my printer. Although I was able to get the printer
working again, I threw out the remaining labels because I could not risk ruining my printer.
Since I am forced to buy a box with 100 sheets when I need many fewer, I wonder if you have co
nsidered
packaging these labels in smaller units. Apparently, they do not store well and must be used fairly
soon
after purchase.
I would appreciate your check for $30 (which is about three quarters of the purchase price) or a
replacement of the 75 sheets
of Avery address labels that I had to discard. Enclosed is the bar code from
the box I purchased.
Sincerely,
Enclosure
8.17 Direct Claim: But It Doesn’t Work!
Current Date
Mr. Dennis Garcia
Manager, Digital Depot
2300 Austin Street
Houston, TX
77074
Dear Mr. Garcia:
After purchasing two faulty 65
inch Sony 4K ultra HD TVs (Model KD
75X9405C) from your store, I
believe you should sell me a similar sized set for a price close to that of the Sony.
I recently decided to purchase a 4K ultra HD T
V and chose the Sony for its features and benefits. I found
a great deal at Digital Depot and purchased the set for $2,798.00 plus tax. I sold my old set and
installed
the new one, spending considerable time and energy to get it up and running. That evenin
g, the set
worked fine, but the next day it didn’t turn on. Figuring that I had a faulty set, I packed it up and
returned it
to your store, which is a 45
minute drive from my home. I brought home another Sony and set it up. That
evening it worked, but the
same problem occurred the following day.
When I returned the second set, I was told I could get another Sony. But after the two faulty TVs,
hours of
my time assembling and repacking the Sony, and hours spent driving to your store and back, I did
not
want
to take another chance. Digital Depot sells a Panasonic (model TX
65CZ952) that is the same size
as the Sony, but it costs more.
Because I am a loyal customer who wants to continue to enjoy the great prices and service Digital
Depot
offers, please provi
de me with the necessary approval to purchase the Panasonic TV at the same or
nearly the same price I paid for the Sony.
Sincerely
18 Adjustment: Erroneous Charge for GPS Reversed
Current date
Ms. Amanda Greene
Hedwig
Sales Manager
Greene Engineering Solutions, Inc.,
2328 East Van Buren Street
Phoenix, AZ 85006
Dear Ms. Greene
Hedwig:
Immediately after reading about your plight, I authorized a credit of $60 to your corporate account #
3053
359
797. Let me assure you that what you
have experienced is highly unusual for our company. Please
accept my heartfelt apologies for the poor treatment and delays.
Naturally, I investigated what may have caused the communication lags and other irregularities. It
turns
out that the Phoenix
Mesa
Gateway Airport branch is an independent franchisee. Upon receiving your
letter, I contacted the local manager, Mr. Frank Anderson, and explained to him that this is an
unacceptable way to treat customers. Apparently the Phoenix
Mesa Gateway branch was sho
rt
handed
during the time of your visit and then subsequently Mr. Anderson traveled on business and attended
management training seminars.
If you give us another chance, we will be happy to prove to you that we are a top
notch car rental
enterprise
—
prompt
, reliable, and cost
effective. As a token of our appreciation for your continued trust in
us, enclosed are three vouchers. We are offering you 20 percent off your next three rentals
anywhere in
the United States and hope to welcome you soon in any of our
over 100 branches nationwide.
Sincerely,
Joseph A. Morgan
Regional General Manager
Enclosure
8.19 Adjustment: We Can Restretch but Not Replace
To:
Henry M. Heinz <hmheinz@heinzproperty.com>
From:
Your Name
Subject:
Your Message Regarding Your Masterpiece International Painting
Dear Mr. Heinz:
We agree that your newly purchased painting for your executive offices should have arrived without
sags
in the canvas, and we urge you to engage a local framing shop to
restretch it.
When any Masterpiece International painting is shipped, we encase it in three layers of protection:
two
layers of convoluted foam and one layer of Perf
Pack foam. These multiple layers work together to
provide superior shock absorption and g
uard your art from bumps and scrapes during shipping. However,
the shipper may have laid the package down instead of standing it, thus allowing the canvas of this
large
painting to sag somewhat. You can be sure that we will review our transport instruction
s with our shippers
so that future deliveries follow our strict guidelines, thus preventing future situations such as yours.
Masterpiece International takes pride in offering works of art of the highest quality and value to
collectors
and decorators. Your
satisfaction is important to us, and that’s why we encourage you to have your new
painting restretched at a local framing shop so that you will be completely satisfied with the way your
work
of art hangs in your executive offices. Please have the bill sen
t to us at 438 West 84th Street, New York,
NY 10024.
To see our latest collection of original fine art at extraordinary prices, please visit
www.masterpieceinternational.com. We appreciate your patronage, and our dedicated staff looks
forward
to continui
ng to serve you.
Sincerely,
8.20 Thanks for a Favor: Glowing Letter of Recommendation
6745 West Axel Drive
Kansas City, KS 41126
Current date
Dr. Thomas Hirsch
School of Business
Mt. Carmel College
P.O. Box 410
Carmel, IN 46952
Dear Dr. Hirsch:
Thank you for your teaching and encouragement during my four years at Mt. Carmel. Your courses
in
financial management, advanced investment finance, and international finance helped to prepare me
for
my new job as a junior financial analyst.
Your support
ive recommendation letter was instrumental in helping me obtain a position with Fidelity
Investment Services. The company was also impressed with the investment portfolio I compiled in
your
advanced investment finance course. The portfolio and other assign
ments helped me to respond
knowledgeably when interviewers questioned me about real
world financial situations.
Thank you for writing highly of my work as a student. You were an excellent teacher, and I learned a
great deal from your courses.
Sincerely,
8.21 Thanks for a Favor: Business Etiquette Training Session
Current date
Ms. Pamela Eyring, President
The Protocol School of Washington
P.O. Box 676
Columbia, SC 29202
Dear Ms. Eyring:
Once again we would like to thank you for your fascinating
etiquette talk and demonstration at XYZ
College on October 15. We value your taking time out of your busy schedule to speak to an
audience of
students on the important subject of soft skills.
Thank you for lessening our fears of dining. We now know which
forks and knives are appropriate with
specific types of food and individual courses. Before your presentation, we knew about you from
your
Web presence and television appearances, but in person you made the scariest aspects of etiquette
seem easy to conque
r. We particularly enjoyed the many hands
on components of your talk
—
for
example, the many place settings you laid out for us.
As business students, we appreciated learning about such crucial skills as entertaining, invitations,
introductions, greetings,
seating arrangements, toasting, and many etiquette dos and don’ts.
We wish you continued success in your work and will follow your activities on Facebook to learn yet
more
about business etiquette and other soft skills.
Sincerely,
8.22 Responding to Good Wishes: Saying Thank You
Current date
Dear Will:
I appreciated very much receiving your good wishes at the time of my graduation. It made me feel
good to
know that you cared enough to write.
Cordially,
8.23 Extending Sympa
thy: To a Spouse
851 Park Street
Fairfield, CT 06825
Current date
Dear Grace,
Your many friends and I here at QuadraCom, Inc., were deeply saddened to learn of the death of
your
husband Ken.
I remember when we first met Ken at a company party many
years ago. He was extremely entertaining,
especially when he affectionately referred to you as The Maiden of Mirth. You and Ken were a
remarkable couple.
Although it’s difficult for others to understand what a deep loss you must feel, I hope that your str
ong faith
and your beautiful memories can outlast the pain of your grief. Please know that we share your
profound
loss and are available to help if needed.
Fondly,