Get rid of and. Put in a full-stop or
a better connecting word.
Tim looked at the door and it was a
tiny door and was cut into the trunk of
the tree and Tim began to tug the little
door open and just as it began to move, he
heard a squeak up in the tree and he looked
up and there sat a tiny man.
“Get off my door,” the little man squeaked and
Tim felt upset and he hadn’t meant to
do any harm.
Get rid of
and.
Mr Twit led Mrs Twit outside and he had
everything ready for the great stretching
and he had one hundred balloons with lots of
strings and he had fixed an iron ring into the
ground and he told Mrs Twit where to stand and
he tied Mrs Twit’s ankles to the iron ring and
when that was done, he began filling the balloons
with gas and each balloon was on a long string and
when it was filled with gas, the balloon pulled up
on its string and Mr Twit tied the ends of the
strings to Mrs Twit’s body.
Too many ands. Get rid of some.
They walked away from the park and
made their way into the town centre and
the pavements were busy with shoppers
and people going to the football match
and the three children made slow
progress and they were just passing
Barclays bank when the door burst open
and a man rushed down the steps and he
ran straight into Adam and the two of
them fell on to the road and Jane
screamed and people began to gather
round and the man scrambled to his feet
and ran to a car which was parked further
down the road and two more men raced
out of the bank and Amy saw that one of
them had a gun.
What happened next?
John was playing in the woods with Tom
and suddenly they heard a strange noise
and it came from a cave and so they
crept into the cave to look and they saw
a witch and the witch was making a
spell and just then John sneezed and
the witch heard him and she chased the
boys and they ran as fast as they could
and Tom fell over and the witch grabbed
him and she turned him into a mouse
and John took him home and his mum
said he could keep Tom as a pet.